Earlier on I wrote about Telephones and Butterflies, and it's an ok blog, but damn was it impulsive, I didn't think "Ooh, it'd be real wise of me to write something in my mind whilst I am so not clearly in my mind!" And there's a good chance I'm doing it again.

I think in the future I should stick to writing blogs about Jam and Farts.

Stick me online, chatting is easy, stick me in front of a room full of people, and on a stage, chatting is easy, stick me on a phone, to a family member, and I do a Warhol at best (Yes, No, Maybe!)

So why? why is it hard? I don't have a clue. Wish I did, perhaps I could remedy it, but I don't, and it's down right stinkin'.

And get this, not only do I have major nerves when its phone time, the nerves decide that it'd be a blast to kill my appetite too, this is so not fair! It's like they ain't happy with making me sound like a complete nits arse, I gotta starve too, but not starve, 'cause I don't feel hungry. WTF! This isn't fair, and yeah, I know life ain't fair, but this is taking the glass beads.

So I suppose you'd like to know what brought this on, this blog, not this fear, why haven't I blogged about it before? Well, it's like this, these particular brand of nerves aren't the common kind, I handle calls all the time, I don't want to, and neither does my body, but they are little and common and easy to get over. This brand of nerve is the special kind, doubled by the fact I don't know when the call shall come in, it would come as no surprise if I received it when I was on the toilet.

And on top of that, it's all like a kick up the arse, when the call rolls, I may, may not, but may ease up, and after to calls through, I will feel good. But my damn nerves with still be reeking havoc on my appetite.

Ugh, oh well, I can always go back to a diet of jelly beans and tea.

Word, this word is nothing evil, nor violent, or aggressive, or anything bad. It's just a word, I suppose you could categorise it a comedy word, but I've found that even the comedy world and even the comedians themselves, tend to stay away from it.

Fart, that's the one, people will say any manner of fart related words, but not fart itself. Some people don't even say a fart related word, they'll opt for the making a face approach, sometimes along with "Was that you?" though usually only a few tight mates or some family member would add that bit. And some people don't even acknowledge it, no matter how potent it is, no matter how much it evokes the want to chuck their guts up. They'll just sit there, straight faced, they won't even crack a cheeky grin over the matter. They just sit there in amidst the fog of doom and carry on talking about Trisha, or Snooker or anything, rather than save their noses and say, "God, that stinks, someone open a window!" Most of these people are so hardy, they don't even move, they stay in the zone. Why? the none insinuators can still be blind to it, just say "anyone fancy a cuppa?" or something.

Now, I don't particularly like the word fart, but, some of farts stand ins are awful. Like the school favourite, Trump, that word is hideous, I'd take fart over that word any day, how on earth is that better? For a start, it's only two letter away from dump (another word I really don't like) and we all know how unflattering that word is.

And there's Eggy Pumps, now, that one isn't too bad, there's a cheeky child charm about it, and with some farts it's very apt. But it's two words, much longer than just Fart, so surely your gaining attention from that which you've gone out of your way to avoid.

Guff, or Guft is another, I'd personally prefer to run around Town screaming Fart none stop than have to say "Eeew, have you just guft?" it sounds like too personal of a question to ask.

Whilst all this effort is going in to optional Fart words, the Fart it's self is endangered of becoming extinct. Do we really want to be responsible for wiping another innocent creature from this planet of ours.

The Fart is like the Dodo, it's just an innocent little bystander being viciously hunted, stamped out.

And do you know who started this Fart hunt..., Schools, schools are solely responsible for wiping farts out. It's all masqueraded as an innocent event.

"Oh children, don't say that word, it's trump, big people and adults say trump, do you want to big and grown up?"

In doing this schools are getting the poor innocent children to do their evil work for them. I say for shame, Schools are nothing more than training centres for poachers. There are only a few Farts left in the world, we need nurture them, encourage them to bloom, and stop this savageness right now.

The sound of words

In a recent motoring article by James May, the obvious chat about cars went on, but as a build up to the cars, the thought over how words sound connected with what they do arouse.

So, for my first blog on Inside II, I decided to share some words I love, and some that I'm not to hot on.

I'll start with a love, Oblong. I recently saw a five-ish minute piece of Noel Fielding's stand up, a section was about the word Oblong, how it was a child's word, how you never hear adults say it, it's like they're afraid to, like it's a taboo. I just like Oblong because rectangle sounds like triangle, and whilst I don't not like triangle, it's like they gave no creative thought. They didn't call a square a squarangle, or a quadangle, or a circle a noangle. Oblong sounds like it's shape. Just remember adult people, an Oblong's not just for your childhood, it's for life.

Now for a word that I just don't use, Dump *feels wrong*. I don't really know why with this one, I know I don't like it in any form, be it a rubbish dump or an excreted version. Thinking about it, it's quite strange, as I don't mind bump, bump is fun, but dump is just a word gone wrong.

Jam, jam is so sticky as a word, a bright enticing sticky word, I love the word Jam, it's like a play word, it's hard to say Jam and not think of happy times. I think Jam has the potential to end wars, just offer a jam sandwich, with Jam, good times can be had be all. Even in traffic Jam, the jam part makes it better, and everybody knows traffic jams are so boring and dull, but the Jam still sounds good.

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I just gotta stop right here for a second, I'm very hyped, I just got my Mighty Boosh Modwolves pack through the post *dances* I only sent it off Monday, how cool is that!

Ahhhhhhhh Moths!!!!!!!

As you may have guessed by the title, today I will be mostly talking about moths, and how they scare me.

Yep, that's right, moths scare me, I thought I was just being silly, not liking massive and not so massive being diving at my head.

I thought I had this all under control, after all, I once, whilst sitting in the dark watching tv, briefly saw this thing fall straight down, pass my nose, and down my top where two of my female curves live. I look down, and what am I confronted with, a fecking massive bob howler (bloody big moth) I jump some flitted my top around and did the "What the feck was that? ahhhhhhhhhh, it's gonna suck my brains out!" dance.

Now, if I was going to decide that I really was afraid of moths, surely that would have been a good point to start from? well apparently not, I decided that, whilst clearly not liking moths, I would not fear them.

Instead, I choose to officially loose it whilst in the place where these attacks are most frequent......

Yes, the Toilet. I've been viciously attacked millions of times whilst sitting there all vulnerable like. I even struck up a deal with them. If they land whilst I'm in there, I won't try to smoosh them, I will leave them be, even with the really big ones that really do want to suck your brains out.

However, the other night this was all of a sudden, not good enough for them, the promise of a longer life was too little.

As nine times out of ten, I suddenly had to go in the middle of the night, so went *decided this was a good option*. Dash in there, lock the door, turn around and BAM, mad moth skittering around like a chipmunk on speed. I'd already locked the door, I decided I had to go through with this. So after much dancing in a tiny toilet, I hit the seat.

Still got this mad beast attacking my head. This has happened many times before, I suppose this was the straw that broke the camels back. I got very anxious, a bit panicky, and could wait to dash out of that confined area.

And did, I darted out of there so fast.

Those darn moths.

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And that is my opening blog for this place.

Ooh, and if you have read this far, or just skipped to the bottom, Blews is blog and news, so this really is the first place to check for what's new.

Tahtah x