I can't believe that is has been a year since the fire alarm fire that destoried our historic main building.  The fire, a blessing in disguised, has helped bring the school together in so many ways.  I am so excited and can't wait until Fall 2010 for the main building to reopen.  They announced May 6th this year the building plans for the building.

May 7, 2008
Ashley Greene email

Not a big deal to some but to me it was one of the most exciting things ever.  Especially to have her email shortly after something destivating like the OLLU fire.  And she's my favorite Twilight actress (Kellan, Peter, and Jackson pretty much tied for my favorite Twilight actor).  I still wonder what she thought of all the jewelry she got.

May 8, 2009
Daddy's Little Cannibal passing away

I couldn't believe that DLC had passed away on Friday.  I didn't really know her like Bronze did but I did talk to her a few times, I did know some of her past and she was really a sweet girl.  She had told me to numerous times to just write for myself and not care what others thought, which is easier said then done.  I was often at times envious of her because of her talent and the amount of reviews she gotten but then I realized that she did deserve it with everything that she had gone through in life.  I refuse to be sad that she's gone.  Because I'm sure she wouldn't want us to be sad and two because she's in a better place.  Earth is only our temp location and that there is always a better place for us beyond our life.  But just because I won't be sad, doesn't mean that don't miss her or she will be forgotten.

R.I.P. DLC
and God Bless her family and friend for their loss

Huggles,
Nollie

Being so white as I am, darn my hispanic side not showing, the fact I have my first ever tan line was pretty exciting.  I know, silly, but it gets sillier because the tan line was a flip flop tan line and it was only one my left foot!  I felt so proud to have a tan line for the first time.  Normally I just burn to a nice red lobster color, which isn't good.

And the second thing that I feel so proud of, is the fact I actually mantained my MP3 player for a full year!!!  I am so proud because it seems that my parents thought that I couldn't keep a silly music player for more than like 9 months.  My first MP3 player I dropped in water after 9 months and the second one I got I lost after 6 months.  I finally broke down and bought one about a year and I still have it.  Being tiny as it is, I was surprise that I still have it.  And the only damage on it, is a scratch that happened when I put it in my backpack with my keys.

Huggles,
Nollie

ps- come back in 3 days to see the one year anniversary of two events that happened on May 6th

So alot of stuff is happening and I'm just trying to deal with it.  Recently, I've had some personal things happening that have brought back painful memories that I wish I could forget.  I lost a friendship, or so it seems.  I'm always there for the girl, but her recent actions make it hard to be around cause I don't want to become the person I was four years ago.

I know I need help, but to get the help is hard.  I had to many people try to help me and they either didn't focus on what I needed to deal with or they just...let me down, breaking my trust.  I can't just spill everything within me to someone, have them earn my trust that they are there for me and then just drop me like I wasn't important.  And there was one time I went because I knew I needed that help, and the person refused to see me if I didn't get put on medication since she did medicated theraphy.

I don't know how to just put myself out there.  Maybe that is the reason why I hate being video recorded doing stupid stuff cause I don't know what people will say about me and that slight edge that someone hurts me with words, I don't think I can handle it.  I've had friends hurt me that way, saying I was stupid and annoying...and did it behind my back.  I just don't know how to bring myself forward, look for help and tell people what I want.  Recently, and it brings up another painful memory of my past, sitting on the coach while looking at my hurt and disappointed parents look at me like I was some failure, I had people just simply ask me what they did that I couldn't stand.  I couldn't say anything cause I didn't want to hurt their feelings and because what they did, I normally just...ingnored.  I don't want to repress someone's actions because I can't stand them because they will hate me.  My former coworker hated me because I couldn't stand her perfume and was mean to me...and she was one a friend there, trained me.  I got her fired.  Little things that bother me, and I know they are little things so I should be the better person and just...let them go.

-sigh- And my health...shitty as always.  I had seen a spine specialist in March.  I had a 2 mm protruston at my L5-S1 vertabrae on my MRI results.  The protrusion was the inside of the vertabrae, which is marrow so it's soft and jelly like, start to get sequeze out and into a bubble.  Just putting the slightest pressure on that bubble and vertabrae is painful, which why I can't sit on stools in labs anymore.  But that wasn't the main root to my pain and numbness within me.  The specialist believes that my muscles are so tight and possibly there is inflammation somewhere, that it is putting pressure on the nerve that runs into my leg that it goes numb.  And as for my hand, I might have some nerve damnage from when I hit the funny bone really hard back in Jan 08 or possibly something else that does nerve stuff.  I can't exercise anymore like my PCP asked me to do so I'm not losing the weight I want.  I mean I could do the exercises but I put myself at risk to do some major damnage within me.

-sigh- Life has gotten so complicated and I don't know if I can handle all this, mental, emotional, physical, educational, and social issues.  So pretty much everything in a nut shell what is going on to why I haven't updated anything on FF, or why I neglected my webpage.  I promise I'll get better and be back to myself.  Just right now, I need prayers and lots of hugs!

Huggles,
Nollie

PS- I did a really silly Twilight video with a friend cause we were bored...check it out...

Huggles,
Nollie

I've start to realize that if something horrible happens to me that I push it so far back, that at first I may be thinking about it, but weeks/months/or years later I remembering something happened but can't remember the details.  But sometimse my body remembers, I guess.  So I had actually had on a couple of occations thought of Chris, my sorta ex I guess, but never did dong on me the dates.

The entire month of January is the month where I found love and then as soon as I found it, my heart breaks into a million pieces.  I had pushed that memory so far back that I didn't even realize that the anniversary of those dates even came and went, though my body did.

-sigh- I hate the memories of Chris.  I want to forget them so bad and I thought I did.  But all I did was push them agianst the wall where if I just turn my head slightly, he's memory is there.  And yet even though I hate looking at them, rememberign them...I just can't...let them go...

Hugs,
Nollie

Anyways, I thought I would like to announce here that I have been brainstorming and thinking and that I may repost a story that I had taken down a year.  And I have partly to thank my watercolor class which has renewed my interest in the arts.  I'm not sure when I'll repost this story because I would like to have some art work that is mine to have as examples.  But I'll be reposting it, hopefully as soon as I finish On Paper , which FYI is currently in that status of writers block mostly because this writer has been busy and hasn't had the time to actually write and when I do I'm not in the mood to write sadly.

Anyways, I hope everyone's year has been wonderful so far!

Huggles,
Nollie