The beginning was written by the other girl in our group, who's fairly normal, then I wrote all of the rambling in the second paragraph, except for the last 6 words (we had to switch before I finished my sentence, so the next guy finished it for me). The next paragraph is the pyromaniac, then the dude who's obsessed with "69", then pyro again. Awesomeness!
I'm posting this everywhere, it's so freakin' awesome... it's already on myspace in two places, here, and I'm considering putting it on my other website somewhere and/or joining fictionpress.com to post it.
Speaking of myspace, if I haven't mentioned it yet, I finally got one -- here's a link. Add me if you wish.
Anyway, I'm not really sure how our LA teacher is gonna take this, but oh well... if I die, remember the Chuck Norris Odyssey.
The Circle of Life
The Chuck Norris Odyssey
The Chuck Norris Odyssey
Everyone avoided the abandoned shack at the end of the deserted street. Nobody really knew why. Oh, yeah, there were many speculations, some practical, some so outrageous I don’t know where they came from! But what was especially mysterious was that no one lived on the street that the shack was on. It was strange because people lived their lives all around, but when you turned onto that street, everything was dead.
The shack was small, old, and very run-down. The roof - the parts of it that were still there, at least - was missing most of its shingles and slowly caving in. The outside walls were partially siding, partially exposed plywood that had lost all traces of decoration, and partially exposed plywood that looked like it had once been painted lime green and hot pink. People foolish enough to walk by the deserted shack at night often reported seeing lights inside, seeing glowing eyes in the dark, filthy windows, and hearing bizarre and random words, like potatoes or purple unicorns.
One day, a man named Chuck Norris, the master of the universe, decided to enter the shack. Slowly, he crept up the steps, armed only with his indestructible feet and stellar karate skills. He kicked down the door, and lights flickered on. There was no one in the ugly shack. Suddenly, the lights went off, and Chuck heard footsteps around him. There was a strange giggle.
Chuck Norris, of course, was not scared because he is the master of the universe. Suddenly, he heard a growl behind him and the same strange giggle. Chuck Norris quickly turned around to discover the source of the commotion - ManBearPig. ManBearPig quickly tried to eat his face off, but Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it to the face, stunning the beast. Then Chuck Norris took out an M60 and blew its brains out. But then, Chuck Norris was unexpectedly kicked in his special spot by Napoleon Dynamite and exploded. Then Chuck Norris’s soul was doomed to haunt the shack forever and ever. But the sun blew up the next day, so it didn’t matter.
As soon as the sun blew up, the rich people of Earth bought a rocket ship and colonized the Moon. There, they were terrorized every day by wild telephants and space chimps. They decided to leave the Moon and settle on Mars, where they were quickly eaten by seahorse-shoe-tank hybrids. The seahorse-shoe-tank stole the rocket and settled on Jupiter, where it was quickly eaten by a hairy pumpkin creature. The pumpkin took the rocket and settled on Pluto, where it froze, then was eaten by toddlers, thus ending all life as we know it.
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